i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
