i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
