DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
