forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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