weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
