a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize
