im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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