This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I wear drunk well.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
