Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
