Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This is my gift to your gina
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
