im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
