I think I am morally bankrupt
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
