just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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