Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
