the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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