She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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