she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
