I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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