It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
