I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Randomize
