can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
