Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
