bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I have post one night stand depression
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