I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Drunk is a universal language darling
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