It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
