He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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