i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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