tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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