I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
