MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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