hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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