i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
