I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
