I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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