Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
