They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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