I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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