just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
