just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
