take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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