just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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