I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
