Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
