I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
