Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
