I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
