i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
