Yo dont text me then not text me
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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