I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
