apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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