you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
