Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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