Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
