hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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