Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am naked and annoyed.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
