No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
