My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
