Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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